Losing Weight Successfully Is Not To Be Taken Lightly

Losing weight successfully is not something to be taken lightly...er...it is something to be taken seriously, but you should have some fun, too!

But it is a challenge...and for many people getting support is an important part of the weight loss success equation.

A recent study by Amy Gorin, assistant professor of psychology at University of Connecticut found that it is more than just cutting calories and exercising more. The success equation includes making small changes that support your health goals.

One of the changes in Gorin's study included eating meals on smaller plates. We've talked about that before--how our plates today are so much larger than "in the olden days"...in fact our current plates won't even fit in antique cupboards!

Another change is watching less television. Why? Because, well, 1. it is sedentary...you don't burn many calories parked in front of the tube, and 2. we frequently eat when we watch television.

A third change is to enlist help and support from friends and family. This can work, but you have to be clear what kind of support you want. Don't leave it up to your friends or family members to guess what kind of help you are looking for. And certainly do not expect them to know what you need. You have to figure out what you want and then be willing to ask for it.

In some cases, the best support may be for them to just leave you alone. Our loved ones usually have our best interests at heart, but that doesn't mean that we want them watching every morsel we eat.

If announcing to the world (or even just your family) that you want to drop a few pounds is stressful for you, then that might just not be the right answer for you. It is my experience that until I was ready to make changes in my life, and doing what is right for my health--for ME, not for anyone else, then it didn't really matter who I told my goals to...or how many people I told. The only thing it did was force my eating to go underground. Ice cream eaten in secret is still ice cream eaten.

So get support--that's great--be willing to ask for it, and for exactly what you want. Do you want someone to help remind you that the food at the party is loaded with calories? Or do you want someone to walk with you? Or, do you want someone you can call when you have a craving? Or, do you want all those things? It is possible to enlist the help of a variety of people and have them each help you in a unique way.

I love having someone I can walk with...someone who will help me to remember to get away from my desk, enjoy some fresh air. Otherwise I could work all day and night. I also like having someone who encourages me to express my feelings so I don't feel the need to push them down with food. But I definitely don't want to feel like someone is watching every bite of food I eat, and I don't want someone who is going to count calories/carbs or fat grams. I want people around me who are positive, who help me keep a positive mindset...but who allow me to be me and don't expect me to be "perfect" or deprive myself and never have desserts!

What kind of support do you want? Let me know what kind of help you appreciate and what "help" you'd rather not be offered.

Emotional Eating: Grief

I got news on Sunday that a good friend passed away. My friend Alice was a powerful force in this world and I will miss her greatly.

Somehow, even though I knew it wasn't literally possible, it just didn't seem that someone so dynamic could actually die. So even though she would have been 89 this month, this loss has hit me hard.

I'd known Alice for more than half my life--since my freshman year at Cal Poly when she took me under her wing.

While I know she had a wonderful and exciting life--she'd be the first to tell you she had "a good, long run" I will miss her. It doesn't seem to matter how old a person is--when people we care about die we suffer grief at the loss.

How do you handle the grief when you lose a loved one? Unlike a lot of emotional eating, when we grieve, often our reaction is to NOT eat...at least in the beginning.

Because we naturally go numb a bit with grief it is easy to not hear our body's cues about eating. Perhaps this is how the tradition of bringing food to the families of the deceased started.

One of my challenges is till to allow myself to feel my emotions. In this country where you may only have a few days off for the death of a family member and no time for even attending funerals of friends, we are encouraged to push our grief down and to carry on.

While our initial reaction may be to not eat, we often fall back to our old ways of pushing down emotions once the numbness wears thin...to eat unconsciously.

Both behaviors are natural responses and we don't serve ourselves or others to beat ourselves up for either over or under eating at these times. However, we do deserve to remember to care for ourselves as we would want our friends and family to care for themselves.

There is no time limit on grief...it will lessen with time...how much time varies widely.

The best way to get through grief is to feel it. Be gentle with yourself during this time. Eat as healthily as you can because this will better serve you.

Don't be surprised if you feel the pull of comfort foods...either old standbys or new or different foods. I found myself wanting graham crackers and Cheerios...carbs, but not my usual desire for rich and creamy ice cream.

The grief will be temporary and you will, when the time is right for you, come back to your ideal healthy patterns. In the meantime, listen to your body and your spirit and take care of yourself as best you can--and allow others to care for you, too...and know that you are loved.

Relax, Refuse to Diet and Let the Sunshine In

Whatever action you take in a state of negativity will create more outer resistance and the universe will not be on your side.

If the shutters are closed, the sunlight cannot come in.

When you yield internally, when you surrender, a new dimension of consciousness opens up. If action is possible or necessary, your action will be in alignment with the whole and supported by creative intelligence.

Eckhart Tolle, A New Earth

When we diet becase we "should" we are approaching our health from a state of negativity. Everything seems harder. Our cravings may increase, we may have more aches and pains or injuries. We may find more situations come up that seem to thwart our goals.

When we come from a state of peace about ourselves, wanting the best health, to be in alignment with our inner being, then these challenges seem to melt away.

Do they actually appear less often? Are we just less aware of them? Or are we better able to handle them when they do arise?

I can't say for certain and to me it really doesn't matter. It FEELS like they come up less and that they are less strong when they do.

I notice that thte times when I have the biggest challenges in maintaining my healthy choices, these are the times when I feel my aches and pains more, or when I feel the pull to overeat. These tend to be the times when I have "too much to do" and neglect my spirit.

Maybe I don't do my affirmations. Perhaps I don't stretch my body. Or I don't sit in quiet. I might not write.

When I don't do the things that feed my soul, when I am not being that person, that is when the "Old Laurie" shows up and brings with her doubt and fear.

I am so blessed to have wonderful friends, family and teachers who help me to recognize when she arrives so I can send her on her way before she unpacks all her baggage!

Weight Loss Success Demands You Set Your Own Pace

It is important that you set your own pace when working on weight loss—or any other kind of self-improvement for that matter!

Don’t try to keep up with someone who is further along the path than you are. This person may be in a different condition than you which allows them to seem to be more advanced.

Whether we are talking about physical condition or mental or emotional it really is the same. We are all at different levels. We have different skills now, different aptitudes and different interests.

Let people who seem to be better at something inspire you. You don’t have to match them step for step. It is great to have people who are ahead of you—it gives you the proof that you can do it, too! These are our role-models…people who are where we aspire to be.

The great news about not having to match our role-models is that it allows us to be inspired by more people. These folks may be bigger or smaller than we are currently. They may be more active, or less active. They may think positively or not. Some will have several traits we admire while others may only have one thing that we want to mirror. And some will serve us by pointing out a quality we no longer wish to have and so we more clearly see what we do want.

When you find that person (or that thing in that person) who inspires you, write it down in a special place. I suggest a gratitude journal. Fill that journal with lots of small entries. You don’t have to write reams about each thing/person/trait. Just write it down and feel the gratitude for being shown that it is possible.

Review this journal periodically and you will be amazed to see how much you have grown to be a composite of all those wonderful traits that you admired in others.

Now that is something to write about!

Weight Loss: Set Backs Happen

It can happen that we have set backs--maybe you aren't losing as quickly as you would like...or maybe you even gain a couple pounds.

Sometimes this happens because we "fell off the wagon". Other times if just happens and we are left to wonder why. When I choose to focus on the number on the scale rather than the improvement in my health that "why?" can turn into a negative, self-pitying "whhhhhiiiiiiyeeee?"

As frustrating as it is when you are working really hard and you don't see the results you expect...it is important to remain confident--as much of the time as possible.

That is one of the reasons having a support team is important.

Lance Armstong never won the Tour de France on his own...he had a huge support team helping him. Sometimes they would pick up the pace, other times they would slow it down. At times they let him draft behind him. And that is just the other riders! Then there were the people providing water and snacks. The folks who made sure his gear was ready every day...

Lance also had to keep his head in the right place. He had to think positively and so do you. Just because you are positive and say affirmations doesn't mean you don't have to put in effort...Lance still had to get on the seat and peddle up those hills! But the affirmations and mindset help you to take the right steps and to take them with the confidence you get from knowing your outcome!

Keep pedaling and making the right choices...easily and with confidence because your head is in the right place.Use your support system to help you over the hills and through the valleys.

Weight Loss Proof: Look Beyond the Scale

Amanda Wicker is a weight-loss success story having dropped 130 pounds using diet and exercise. While I put much more emphasis on change your thought patterns to achieve in permanent weight loss, I agree with the points she brought up this month about looking at other measures of success beyond the scale.

Amanda admits that she has at times given the number on the scale too much power--a very common occurrence! I once was as addicted to the number on the scale as I was to food--often getting on it 3 or more times in a day. And that doesn't count the times I got on and off, moving the scale a few inches trying to find the "sweet spot" on the bathroom floor!

If you are going to weigh yourself, do so no more frequently than once a week. Anything more often doesn't accurately reflect "real" weight loss and can be demoralizing or lead us to false conclusions about what does or does not work for us.

So if you have reached a plateau or not...be sure to use gauges other than the number on the scale to bolster you during your weight loss journey--and for the rest of your life!

Some suggestions from Amanda are:

• Make a list of non-scale victories...I fit into my skinny jeans; I exercised 2 days in a row; I passed up the sweets at the office and didn't miss them; I drank more than my minimum in water today; I went for a walk when I was having a desire to eat that was totally emotional--and it helped! You can keep this in your food journal or a separate document. When you write these victories down say them aloud and express gratitude for that win!
  
• Use a tape measure and take your measurements once a month. Keep a record so you see the progress. Include the basic chest/bust, waist and hips...but also measure thighs, calves, upper arms, neck. One of my big surprises is the necklaces that I can wear now that I thought were tiny before! (Hey--there's another non-scale victory!)
• Track your body fat percentage. This is a better indicator of fat dropped which is what we really want to achieve...muscle does weigh more than fat.
• Check to see if you clothes fit better or if you could go to a smaller size.
• Are you able to exercise longer, harder with less effort?

I'll add to that, check in with yourself and see how you feel...physically, mentally and emotionally...are you feeling stronger, more in control, better about yourself and the choices you are making, empowered to live better...when you are improving your feelings you will be improving your body size, too!

Above all, keep up the good work! You are doing great! Certainly don't give away your power to change your life--not to another person and certainly not to a box called "the scale"!

Shop Around Before Joining a Gym

More on this series about exercising for weight loss

If you are considering joining a gym be sure to shop around. Things to look for include

• Do they offer a variety of memberships that fit your financial and time budget? For example, some offer part-time memberships where you can go 3 times a week and save money.

• Am I comfortable with the people who are working out when I am most likely to be there? Some gyms cater to all women, and most gyms have a different client base at different hours of the day.

• Check out the locker rooms and showers--are they clean? Even if you don't want to dress there, it will help give you an idea about the cleanliness of the other facilities.

• Does the gym offer training on the equipment--if they don't, unless you are an expert already, don't spend another minute there!

• Does the gym offer classes that sound interesting to me--aerobics, spinning, yoga? Is there an extra fee to attend classes?

• Does the gym have personal trainers that I can tap into? Is there an extra fee?

• Does the gym offer child care if you need it?

• Does this feel like a supportive environment?
  

• Is the gym location convenient from home or the office?

• Look at what your City or Town has to offer--sometimes they have a gym or "recreation center" that will provide the services you want, for less money.

The most important thing is to move, to have fun and keep with it! Make a small commitment at first...build that into a habit and then grow that. These small changes will yield big results!

Celebrate Weight Loss Successes

I never really liked trying on clothes before...now I realize that was because it was hard work and uncomfortable when I weighed 100+ pounds more!

I am having fun trying on clothes that I had put away because they were too small--and now I'm finding they are too big!

Woo-hoo! Yay me!!!

Be sure to celebrate your weight loss successes! Find a supportive friend or support system and brag about what you are doing right, rather than beating yourself up for what you have done wrong. It is about changing your mindset...you will begin to notice more and more what you are doing right and that will reinforce those behaviors and you will be more apt to continue to make those good choices (and changes)!

There is SO much to celebrate in this life!

Weight Loss Success Calories NOT Key

It is not the number of calories you eat versus expend that is the most important measure of success for losing weight.

While reducing calories taken in and/or increasing the number of calories you burn is part of the equation--it is not the be-all to end-all.

This is my story--and I'm sticking to it--despite a federal study that claims otherwise.

This study followed people for 2 years (which for a dieter is an eternity) and found that whether the diet was low-fat or low-carb or high-protein did not matter...it wasn't the kind of diet that had the effect. The participants who had the greatest success, no matter what type of diet they were on reduced their caloric intake--and stuck with it.

Ah-ha! That is the key then, the sticking to it part!

Even in this study they note that the participants had trouble sticking to the plan--and weight lost was modest for most!!!

I've heard the calories in vs calories out theory since I was in high school. As a competitive athlete who worked out several hours a day and who did not eat a lot of food--and yet was still considered overweight--it just didn't make sense.

I knew in my heart there was more to it than simple math or physics!

Eating, body image and weight loss are emotional issues. And, defying all logic, it is quite possible for us to "hold on to" fat even if follow the mathematical equation.

This is why programs that include some sort of counseling or peer support have much greater results than diets that are simply following some eating rules.

With support, it is much easier to make the permanent life-style changes that are required to have permanent weight-loss results.

And to make the changes in our behavior we have to change what is going on in our heads first.

Bottom line, get your head 'in the game', decide that you are worth it, decide that you can achieve it, get some support, and every day take the action steps to get you to your health goals.

Gratitude for Support in Weight Loss Goals

One of the best things we can do for ourselves to achieve our health goals is to have a support system. And when you receive compliments and support to be grateful for it and let the person know how much you appreciate it (if you can...)

So today I want to thank Shannon Grissom today for her support. She was enthusiastic about my weight loss and the book that I am writing to help other middle-aged women who have been taught to believe that it is too hard to lose weight...and provide them with inspiration.

It warmed my heart to read on Twitter today

You story is inspiring! You go Laurie! The world needs you and your book Laurie. Great news!

So thanks Shannon!

BTW, Shannon is an artist with a great site about her art, television and more--and a great blog on creativity! Be sure to check them both out!

Weight Loss: Family Help or Hinder

Weight and family are a tough combo. Whether your family taught you unhealthy habits or contributed to your "fat genes", your family can and will have a huge impact on your weight loss goals--IF YOU LET THEM! This can be a help. Or a hindrance. It is really UP TO YOU!

Your experience with your family will be different from mine...and even different from that of your siblings (if you have them.) Even though we theoretically grew up in the same family, my brother's experiences were decidedly different from mine and so we have different experiences today when visiting.

The bottom line for any family visit is to remember that your family loves you. It doesn't always feel that way...and sure there are some families out there that are so dysfunctional that love is not part of the equation...but if you are visiting them I'm going to presume there is love involved!

Sometimes that love is expressed as unconditional support for your goals. Some families will bend over backwards to help you to eat healthy and move your body and happily join you on the adventure. Other families will be supportive but not be willing to change any of their routines. And then some families will be downright combative about any change--even if it is for your health.

How your family chooses to help may be wildly different as well. Sometimes in an effort to "help" my mother would comment on every bite that went into my mouth. We talked about that years ago--she understands that for me that was not helpful and I asked her for specific things that she could do to help me instead. That way she didn't feel judged too harshly and she felt like she was helping me, which truly was her intention all along.

Keep in mind, if you have been one way your entire life, then your family is used to dealing with that version of you. If you are making changes then it will take some education so they know what you expect--don't think they will KNOW how you want to be treated and what you need. They cannot read your mind...even though we think they should be able to!

The biggest thing to remember is that your results are strictly up to you. No blaming the families help or lack of help.

Controlling Cravings Tips

Fifth in a series on controlling cravings!

Today's Success Tip:

Know WHY you want to improve your health

This is a way to give cravings the one-two punch by bringing to the forefront of your mind the reasons why you want to lose weight, gain strength, have more endurance--whatever your health goal is.

Take the time to think about why you want to lose weight (or whatever...). Get some paper and write your reason(s) down.

There are no wrong answers--as long as the "why" is honest and for YOU then it is okay.

Review the list...and mark through any that are "shoulds"--the ones that come from guilt...they tend to not motivate. Instead they give us an excuse to punish ourselves for any small infraction! "Should" whys include things like, "My doctor/wife/husband wants me to lose weight", "I look disgusting and should take better care of myself", "No one will love me at this weight", "I will be happy when I have lost 5/10/50/100 pounds"

Instead of the 'shoulds' on the list, focus on the ones that feel empowering and loving, ones that help you to want to make the changes for good...if you don't have any on your list yet, take some more time and write some more!

Examples of empowering 'whys' include--"I love my baby so much I really want to be around for her wedding", "I enjoy being outdoors and I want to be able to spend more time in nature moving easily and effortlessly", "I deserve to look and feel and live up to my full potential", "I want the health and vitality I had when I was younger and at a healthier weight", "I am a good, loving person and I love myself enough to take care of my body"

Can you feel the difference in the two types of "whys"... the shoulds are negative based, the empowering ones are positive, love based.

Keep your positive, loving "WHY" with you at all times. Write it down on a card that you keep in your wallet or pocket. Post it at your computer. Put it on the mirror where you brush your teeth. Put it as many places as you want--places where you will see it many, many times during the day.

These positive thoughts WILL help you reduce your cravings and keep you on track!

Controlling Cravings Tip of the Day

Second in a series on controlling cravings!

Today's Success Tip:

Meditation and Affirmations

I change it up from time to time, to keep things from getting "stale" or being merely a "habit"

I found that starting with loving affirmations that confirm my decision and ability was extremely powerful.

Added benefit was that I generally and genuinely began to feel better about myself!

I highly recommend Louise Hay for the beginner. She teaches that loving self is the solution! (And I know for the beginner that can feel like a HUGE challenge.)

Be gentle with yourself during this process.

And if you want support, again, do not hesitate to ASK!

In the sidebar there are links to purchase some of the tools that I've used, if you are interested. Or check out your local library or used bookstore!

Hang Around with Like Minded People

If you hang around with people who think exercise is reaching for a doughnut or doing the 12 oz curl after work, you might want to reconsider who you hang out with.

Does that mean you have to change all your friends? Of course not.

If you have a strong desire to change you life and you can be around others who don't support that, then good for you. For me, I find it much easier to make healthy choices when I surround myself with people who are also interested in being healthier--and do more than just talk about it.

It doesn't mean you can't see your friend Sue or buddy Bob ever again. I'm suggesting that you cultivate some additional, new relationships. When you are out walking, say hello to others. If you see them regularly, you could suggest you walk together for a bit.

Or it may be that there is someone you work with or who lives down the street who has also been talking about wanting to be more healthy. See if he or she would be interested in being a walking partner, or how you can support one another in a different way. That support might be in sharing tips you learned, a great recipe you tried, a great place you went to for a walk over the weekend.

Don't be surprised if, as your body starts to change along with your new habits, people don't start approaching you and asking what you are doing. These just might be some great new support buddies!