Avoiding Emotional Eating Doesn't Mean Avoiding Treats

Many people believe that to have weight loss success we must forgo all treats. I disagree with this tactic of creating a list of foods that are off-limits. In my experience, it just doesn't work.

Some people respond to my assertion that to have permanent success we must have no forbidden foods that if certain foods are not taboo then it is okay to eat them all the time.

Of course we must eat foods that nourish our bodies...that is the primary purpose of food after all. But the truth is, most of us with weight challenges did not get to be significantly overweight because of eating to nourish our bodies!

We use food for much more than fuel for our bodies. We use food for pleasure and social reasons as well as using food for emotional reasons.

It is crucial for us to distinguish between these 3 types of eating.

Social eating is when food is part of another experience, such as Thanksgiving, birthdays, or enjoying a night out with friends. Social eating may be eating something because it is expected like birthday cake, and it may include overindulging to the extreme--like when we have to unzip our pants or take a nap after Thanksgiving's feast. With social eating, we may not actually be conscious of just how much food we are consuming, because we are more focused on the social aspect.

Pleasure eating may also have a social element to it, the key difference is that when we eat for pleasure, the focus is on the food. It may be sharing the food, sharing the experience, but the food is still in the forefront. For example, you may be having dinner with a friend (or friends) and decide you want to have dessert...and you are sharing the dessert because you want the flavor, but not the full serving...you enjoy each bite as it fills your mouth with flavor. You may eat more than you "need" (let's face it, our bodies don't "need" dessert) but because it is savored and the focus is on tasting and feeling good, you rarely will get to the button-popping stage when eating for pleasure.

Emotional eating on the other hand (can you have an "other hand" with 3 examples?) can be unconscious, like social eating, or very conscious, but rarely is it pleasurable. It may start with a thought of how good something tastes, but more often it starts as a pull...a knee-jerk reaction to a thought, feeling or event. Sometimes we are not even aware of the preceding element! We may be sad or angry, or even happy, and we are reaching for food to soothe us, to bring us to a more mellow place. And if we continue this pattern then we will need more and more food to achieve that mellow place--largely because it doesn't solve the problem, it just masks the pain temporarily.

When we go on a diet, we are not dealing with our emotional eating...and we put our favorite foods on a forbidden foods list. This sets us up for a huge negative cycle of deprivation then binge, then guilt. Now we have even more emotions to run from so we eat more, not less! This is why diets do not work.

The secret to weight loss success is to be conscious about our eating and to enjoy our treats--to have some pleasure eating events. This gives our inner child the opportunity to have treats and not feel deprived, while breaking the habits of grabbing food to soothe our inner beast.

Here's how it went in practice for me this weekend: I was feeling quite emotional, for lots of different reasons, some hormonal and some stress related, and so I was craving carbs can specifically chocolate. I had to go to the grocery store and I knew that with all these cravings it could be a dangerous run, so before I went I made sure I had a snack before hand to keep things at bay. Even still, lots of old thoughts went through my head as I entered the parking lot and walked through the store...I can buy these cookies and eat them in the car, or I can buy this and eat some and hide the rest, or...on and on. I know that whenever those sorts of thoughts of eating massive quantities of food and/or eating and hiding the evidence comes up that is a flag that the desire to eat is strictly emotional.

I was able to remind myself that I want and desire a healthy body and that eating in that way would not solve whatever was going on, and that I would address the issue when I got home. That is a big victory--being conscious about my choices--but it is just the first step.

Once home I tried to determine what was bothering me. I talked about it, I meditated on it, I cried, I tried working through it and ignoring it (this rarely works, but I still try!) I walked...it just didn't seem to be helping. I ate healthy foods and made sure my blood sugar was even, which helped, but still I had a HUGE desire to eat. I slept on it, I worked more. I finally felt the urge to turn on some music and cook a big healthy meal, play and dance to the music. So I left my desk and did just that and when I was done I finally felt at peace with myself and the desire to stuff my face was gone!

Big lesson--we can't also push through, sometimes we have to listen to our heart and let it direct us to what will help us feel better...and we have to let that voice come through, which takes love, gentleness, and practice.

Later (much later) I wanted a little something sweet...I didn't have anything in the house that sounded right (I actually had ice cream in the house but that wasn't sounding right) so I made a dark chocolate sauce and we dipped strawberries in the sauce. We had a small portion and really, really, really enjoyed the tastes and sharing the experience.

Because this eating was pleasure eating it wasn't "necessary" for my body, but it felt great for my soul and so I don't feel the need to beat myself up over it. In fact, I celebrate it as a success--a sign of true weight loss success--the ability to enjoy a small portion of delicious food, because food can and should be a source of pleasure for us.

Biggest Loser, Stress Eating and Weight Loss Success

I really felt for Daris, one of the final 4 on the Biggest Loser Television Show. He was shown on the "confession cam" eating late at night. He knew better, but was choosing to deal with his emotions by eating.

I just got back from a visit to my mother's...so I completely understand the stress that being at home entails. It is not easy to change our emotional patterns...but we must learn to change our reactions to our emotions if we want to keep our weight loss success permanently!

Like Daris, I also ate to soothe my emotions. I am also determined that I will not allow a few nights of eating ice cream spoil what I have accomplished.

I know that I deserve to have a healthy, slender body. I know I feel better physically and emotionally when I eat well. I also know there is room in a healthy eating plan for some of my favorite treats...and I also know that I am human and not perfect!

Truth is, it was my desire for perfection (ironically) that helped me to obesity in the first place. So by letting go of the need to be perfect, to allow for human failings (now, if they are human are they really failings???) I cut myself a little slack and will then be able to get back on the horse, moving my body, making healthy food choices and loving this work in progress!

Because I know that Daris and I are not the only ones on this planet to resort to emotional eating, I have come up with some strategies that will help curb the binge.

I'll write more about these strategies over the coming days and I would love to hear from you which strategies work for you...and what strategies you have for stopping emotional eating in its tracks!

Check back tomorrow for the #1 strategy...this biggee might just stop your binge before it even starts!

To Lose Weight Stop Setting Weight Loss Goals

I realize that this goes against just about everything you have ever heard about accomplishing anything. I mean, "everyone" says you have to have goals, right?

Those same people say that goals have to be measurable. In other words, some sort of number.

What I have discovered is that when we set goals around our weight--for most of us--we are actually setting ourselves up for failure!

Why? Because we are focusing on the number on the scale...or a waist measurement...or a dress size...whatever that measurable goal is. If that is our focus we stop paying attention to how we are feeling, why we are eating in the first place.

The other part about setting goals is you are supposed to have a specific time to achieve that goal. My goals always seemed reasonable...like I'm going to lose 10 pounds over 2 months...well, mine were usually more like I'm going to lose 100 pounds over the next year!

I would end up starving myself for a couple of days before I was supposed to weigh in for my goal...then go crazy eating after. This is not healthy behavior--I knew it, but did it anyway--because I wanted to reach my weekly or monthly goal. I just couldn't seem to keep a healthy pattern of eating going all the time, so I started binging. Ultimately I just gave up and felt worse about myself with every failure.

Weight loss goals are really just a way of trying to diet! You are going to limit yourself or work out more...or both...to try to reach that goal. And hey--if that works for you, then go for it!

But if you are like me...someone who set (and broke) the same goal over and over and over and over...then maybe it is time to rethink the whole weight loss goal idea. At least in terms of a measurable number.


I think the best weight loss goal is one of achieving better health. I know that is vague...but it is realistic and it is attainable. What this goal does for me is it gives me the freedom to eat consistently and to be forgiving of myself.

Now I am able to focus on why I am wanting food, getting in touch with what is going on "behind the scenes"...inside my mind. By working on that, I am able to change that programming.

The ironic thing is...once I stopped setting number goals and focused on having a goal of health, my weight started to drop immediately! And even better it has continued to drop...so that I have now lost 120lbs and I haven't binged in years!

I can truly say that stopping setting weight loss goals has brought me to my biggest goal: better health--both mental and physical!

Eating Chocolate as Part of Weight Loss

Yes, chocolate can have a place in your weight loss plan.

First, as you have heard me say repeatedly, I do not believe any foods should be off-limits completely. That is just no fun! Not only that, it can lead to feeling deprived which then tends to prompt us to binge.

We don't want to be in that cycle. We want to be in a healthy cycle where we feel good about ourselves and the progress we are making towards achieving our ideal health goals.

So incorporating some of your favorite foods, in small portions can actually help you lose weight in the long run!

Now--don't let that lead you to believe you can just eat bon-bons all day long! Nor does it mean that we should eat large quantities of the "healthy chocolate" that you see advertised.

It is important that we change our thinking--not just what we eat. I have done that before and it has always backfired! If you swap eating a dozen chocolate chip cookies for a bag of low-cal cookies you are not really changing the thought process or the behavior! I contend that even if what you swap for is carrot sticks you are still not changing the thinking. Because if you still stuff yourself, at some point you will decide the carrot sticks just aren't cutting it and look out baby--then a super-binge is on the way!

When we change our thinking about food and our bodies and begin to really love ourselves we want to truly take care of these wonderful bodies we have. One of the ways we take care of them is to fuel them properly rather than stuffing them with food because something is "eating us" emotionally! Instead we learn other ways to deal with issues and no longer feel the need to self-medicate with food.

But fueling properly doesn't mean you never get to have a treat...and chocolate is a great treat AND can actually have some health benefits.

Be sure to eat dark chocolate for maximum heart benefits. And take small pieces--you only need 1/4 oz to achieve the benefits--that means a standard size chocolate bar will pretty much last you a week.

Food Addiction: Cured or In Recovery?

Hi. My name is Laurie. I'm an ice cream-aholic.

Food has always been my 'drug of choice'. Specifically ice cream. Even more specifically, chocolate ice cream...or just about any ice cream with chocolate in it.

The higher the fat content the better.

I could literally eat several quarts at a sitting.

Of course I would then wonder why I had a headache!!!

It is a wonder I'm not diabetic or have cholesterol through the roof.

That has all changed now...I actually bought a pint (one!) of ice cream on Sunday because it sounded good. Then I forgot I even had it in the house!

On Wednesday night I decided to have some. I voluntarily stopped part way through because I was done! It no longer was satisfying or tasting good, so I put it back...

If you notice I said I put it back, that means that I was eating right out of the container, I had not dished it out. That had been my method of portion control before. Dish some out. And go back for more. Again. and Again. Or not--sometimes I just ate right out of the quart container.

I am excited at the prospect that I have a normal relationship with food!

I know that it is important to keep my awareness up and not slip into bad habits--but this is a very good day...

Maybe I'll celebrate! Rocky Road, anyone (I'm joking!)

No Forbidden Foods

Rather than having a bunch of "forbidden foods"--something I used to do all the time--I now allow myself permission to eat anything that I truly want.

Rather than causing my weight to balloon out of control, I have found that I am actually losing weight with this philosophy.

I found that the forbidden foods were always the ones I loved best, the ones that gave me great pleasure to eat. Making them "off-limits" led to feelings of deprivation, resentment, restriction, discomfort, and sadness.

What was my behavior when I felt sad or resentful? Why, to eat, of course! I was setting myself up for an endless circle. Now when I ate as a result I would eat my favorites (the forbidden foods), naturally--I was also feeling guilty, weak, undisciplined, oh the list goes on and on.

This cycle of eating and feeling bad then led to either binging to push down the feelings or just quitting my diet altogether.

Now instead of having the hands-off list, I allow myself small joyful indulgences. This means that I savor the experience rather than stuffing my face with treats. While I allow myself to eat anything, I make an effort to be completely aware of what I am eating. Unconscious eating does not produce joy--maybe a sugar high, but not real joy.

This savoring gives me positive energy, feeling of abundance, freedom, comfort, satisfaction and empowerment.

These feelings lead to more healthy eating and activities. So now I have replaced a negative downward spiral with a positive, uplifting one!

I used to be afraid that by eating one bite of chocolate I would go crazy and not have any control over food. By letting go and taking off the negative labels I found that I don't go crazy and I have better control and am enjoying food and life more overall.

Which sounds better to you--feeling guilty, frustrated, weak and fat, or feeling happy, empowered and getting thinner? I'll take the latter every time!