Thursday, January 20, 2011

The Old Unhealthy Me Was Living Loud Today

My day started off a bit rough today. I was feeling sensitive, not the strong, confident person that I am most days.

It wasn't like I could just go back to bed until I felt better--I had appointments to go to, places to be, people to see. You know, that little thing called life.

I thought I had moved past it, worked it out, but when I was running to my appointments and errands it became abundantly clear that I had not! The "old me"...the unhealthy one, the one who used to buy junk food, eat it and try to hide the evidence...she kept talking to me this morning.

I stopped at the post office which is next to a grocery store and thought, "we need milk, I'll just run in and get some milk." But the voice of the unhealthy me said--"and get some cookies...they taste so know, the big home-made tasting ones they make at this one will know."

Fortunately I had another appointment that would take a couple hours, so buying milk was not really practical...saved for the moment.

At the post office they have a candy bar display...none of that looked good. Not that that would have stopped me in the past, but today I was able to say "don't want it so I won't buy it." Hurray.

My last errand brought me near another grocery store. It was now noon and I had not eaten since 7. So now the unhealthy me was really pushing hard! I seriously thought about going into the grocery store, but I knew that if I did it would be that much harder to resist the yelling of that unhealthy voice (today there were no whispers.)

I decided to not go into the store. I probably have enough milk to make it until tomorrow, I decided. And if not, I can always go back out after I've had some lunch.

Once I got home and had some food I felt better. And later I was able to actually talk about what had been bothering me. It was a silly little thing that won't make a lick of difference in my life--or the lives of anyone else--by the end of the day. Next week I probably won't even remember it happened. And I almost let that silly little thing take me out today.

I'm proud of myself for walking away from the store. I'm proud of myself for not succumbing to the unhealthy voice. I'm proud of myself for recognizing that this was an emotional pull to eat, not a real physical hunger. And I'm especially proud for really talking it out and getting the emotions out instead of stuffing them down.

Days like today I realize just how far I have come...and that the weight loss journey continues for me every day.

The weight loss success tip out of this experience: when emotions surface, walk and talk--give yourself time and distance to think rather than react.


LesleyFW said...

Ah, the old 'run out of milk' trick! Is there a connection between using up the milk faster than usual and the urge to get to the source of more than just the milk? Would we run out of milk as often if there were 'milk only' shops to run to?
Thanks for the inspiration and the small victories they have helped me with.

Laurie Tossy said...

Thanks for the grin that came to my face reading your comment! I too wonder if maybe the milk might last a bit longer. At the very least maybe we'd have to be more honest about our real intentions!

But then, would "milk only" stores include milk products like ice cream? Then I might be in trouble! HA!