Friday, July 17, 2009

Ego Keeps Itself Safe and You Fat

Eckhart Tolle teaches us that our ego's job is to survive and therefore it will do just about anything to do that...including having us play "roles" that may not serve us in the long-run. Playing these roles can lead to overeating...continued from yesterday's post...Fattening Roles to Drop

When I would overeat (aka binge) I would then tell myself I was stupid or I had no willpower or that I was a fat slob. Those were all judgments, not facts.

Now if I feel the urge to stuff my face, I can look behind that feeling and (sometimes) figure out WHY. Turns out it isn’t because of some giant personal flaw! Typically I find that when I have this temptation it is because I am doing something that doesn’t feel good or authentically me...or I am not taking care of myself and am over fatigued.

At that point, the point I realize this, I have the opportunity to choose. I can choose to be more authentically me in the best way I can, given the situation. I can choose to separate the situation from myself by recognizing that it just IS...and that my thoughts and emotions are independent of it, and then I can work to change how I’m Abraham teaches to “reach for a better feeling thought.” Or I can choose to suppress my feelings by drugging myself, whether that is with food, alcohol, drugs or even over exercising!

What helped me when I did choose to overeat in order to hide from my feelings was to consciously acknowledge that was what I was doing. I would literally say out loud “I know that I am eating to push down my feelings of fear (or discomfort or pain or anger) and I give myself permission to do this...this is a way I have developed to protect myself and right now, at this moment, it does serve me”

By giving myself permission to overeat I accomplished 2 things. 1) I tended to actually eat less and 2) I stopped beating myself up for doing it!

This is a wonderful place to start. From here it is possible to build up other coping skills.

This may sound strange, but I am actually grateful for my past overeating and the fat that resulted from it. Why? Because I know this was a tool that I used, one that my ego developed, to protect itself. It kept me alive at times. It also was, admittedly, a way for me to get some attention that my ego obviously wanted.

I no longer want that attention and I no longer need fat to protect me. But when I didn’t know anything else, my fat shielded me and helped keep me safe. How can I possibly be angry about that? I was doing the absolute best I could at the time.

Our minds and bodies are incredibly amazing things. They will work extremely diligently to keep us alive...they will creatively find ways to get this done...that is their number one priority.

It is OUR job to be as conscious as possible so we are in control of how we are living. When we actively choose our actions, our thoughts and thereby our emotions, then we can truly have the healthy, slender body that we are designed to have...and that we all deserve.

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