Fruitcake & Festivities

I've never been much for fruitcake...but a friend sent this recipe and I am tempted to make it...
but then it would definitely not fall into the "conscious eating" category...and definitely not a recipe for weight loss success...enjoy anyway!

Best Fruitcake Ever

Ingredients:

1 or 2 quarts Whiskey
1 cup butter
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. salt
4 large eggs
1 cup dried fruit
1 tsp. baking powder
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup brown sugar
1 cup of nuts
1 oz of lemon juice

Mixing Instructions:

Before you start, sample the whiskey to check for quality. Good, isn't it? Now go ahead and begin. Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check the whiskey again as it must be just right. To be sure whiskey is of the highest quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat.

With an electric mixer, beat 1 cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 tsp. of thugar and beat the heck out of it. Meanwhile, make sure that the whiskey is still of the finest quality. Cry another cup.

Open the second quart if necessary. Add 2 arge leggs, 2 cups dried fruit and beat ‘til high. If druit gets stuck in the beaters, just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the whiskey again, checking for toxscisticity.

Next sift 3 cups of salt or anything - it really doesn't matter. Sample the whiskey. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice.

Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add one babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find and wix mell.

Grease oven and turn cake to 350 greedees. Now pour the whole mess into the boven and ake. Check whiskey again, and go to bed.